The Power of People
Posted by Nicki Muller on December 2, 2011 |
I have been keeping this blog ever since I was diagnosed with my second cancer. At age 13 I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, Bone Cancer, in my right arm. Seven years later, early this summer, I was diagnosed with a high-grade Glioma Brain Tumor. All summer I battled for my life, a second time. It was essential for me to release my thoughts. By keeping a blog I was able to stay focused on getting through a a serious life threatening illness for a second time. The blog is accessable at www.nickimuller.com, page 3. It heightened my ability to recognize writing and self expression as vital to my treatment. Here is one of the more recent posts I have writen on the site. Please feel free to journey from the first post #1 at the bottom of the page to the most recent, # 45. It reveals a telling time in my life, confronts the pain, and aims to find reason among it all. -NICKI MULLER
42. november twenty-second two thousand and eleven. 12:27 am
amongst my systems
last week i was asked to meet with a friend whom i met last year through common friends in new york. we both agreed to meet for a cup of tea. the two of us began our discussion and immediately i knew i had a connection with this woman. not because of our origin, not because of the way we look, not necessarily because of what we believe in, but rather what we have both have been challenged with. what we both have stood straight in front of. and what questions we had to sit and ask our selves. it was cancer that brought us together that day at lunch and has strengthened our connection toward each other. sitting across from her, she questioned me for a class she was assigned to write an article for. finding interested in my story dealing with both osteosarcoma and a high grave glioma, she had a few questions to ask. i’ve never hated questions. i have always thrived off of them. i believe questions make us understand ourselves even more. it leads us to possible conclusions and reasonings as why we feel the way we do and why we are the way we are. i had no problem revealing any of this to her, particularly because she understood a lot of the emotion i spoke about. she understood because she too was battling a form of cancer that resided in her thought, which was uncovered this past summer. we both had challenging summer, and to sit and discuss and compare was so freeing. what i find incredibly interesting to our connection was that this entire summer prior to speaking with her about my condition, as well as her own, i would listen to music i had downloading online created by her. she has gotten me through many a mornings heading into the city by car. one specific track, “high hopes” still strikes a cord in me every time i listen. most of the music created, i believe was produced prior to her cancer diagnosis, just as most of my work i displayed for my most recent art exhibit. these impulses for creation that i had right true for my friend as well. these unconscious emotions and actions that take place point to a more telling future, based on what i have experienced and seen in my friend. i rarely if ever bring up specific individuals when i write here but i felt compelled to after my afternoon discussion with a fellow cancer battler. we entered into each other’s lives previous to our diagnosis’s and have reconnected because of our conditions. there is great strength in connections such as the one i have found in another. the power of words to be exchanged can humble one completely. to connect on these intense moments of living with another my age in new york is simply incredible. the talent and humility i find in her i hope to reciprocate in my own ways. again i find there are reasons for the things that occur. there are reasons for individuals to enter our lives. perhaps we just need to stop and take the time to think way. or possibly just act on impulse and live in the way that feels best to our being. restrictions must only empower us. -nicki
to listen to the music mentioned click here:
1 Comment
Love that quote at the end. Restrictions must only empower us.