Take the time to nourish your body, cater to your needs before you extend to the whims of others. I find myself becoming wrapped up in what it is I believe others what. Pleasing others and making people who surround me happy is something I enjoy. I like to be a positive influence on others but I have grown to learn that without catering to my personal needs wants and desires initially, I cannot act wholeheartedly for the benefit of others.

In high school I was always willing to lend a helping hand, give advice when solicited and even go out of my way to benefit another. Although those are all things I try to maintain I have learned the importance of intuition in relationships. It is easy to fall for the tricks of others that initially may be acts of favor, friendship etc. but turn to repetition, one-way benefit, and overextension of oneself. I think it is important to be honest with yourself in analyzing your relationships with others around you, whether it is co-workers, class-mates, friends or family. A person should find pleasure in helping others. But if it comes to a point where you feel you are the only one taking initiatives and making those strides you need to reanalyze the situation and consider yourself in relationships more carefully.

I am the number one-advocate for helping others, charitable work, and volunteer practices. I believe working with others teaches us a lot about who we are and what sort of person we want to be. Should we have lines or boundaries when it comes to our relationships with people and how are those established?

I am not asking for a friendship contract or so official letter of declaration. I am looking for mutuality and what that means in friendship. How far is it okay to extend to the whims of others? Are we partially losing our selves by catering to others, or gaining a bit more of ourselves in the process?

I often wonder these things whenever I confront an issue with a close friend, or when I am experiencing displaced frustration. People have great effect on each other, more than the conscious mind and body is aware of. How we interact with others is crucial in how we see ourselves. Our reactions to others paritially define who we are as a person. Whenever I have found myself saying something negative about another I pull myself back and really think about why. Why am I downgrading to this level? I think more and more people need to realize that negative banter about another is really a reflection of our own insecurities. Yes, don’t get me wrong sometimes you just need to let it out, to scream, to vent at the down-right wrong things people do or say. And hey, I am all for some good venting sessions. However, I feel it is necessary that people recede from anger to analyze the reason for such reactions. We have the power to control our response and reactions as long as we maintain a certain frame of mind that keeps us grounded and positively-elevated.

The saying, “think before you speak”, holds true to the points I am raising. Perhaps it is more realistic to accompany with the phrase “and then think after you speak” and “then think some more”. Exploring reason for the actions we take or have previously taken is an important initiative to take to discover our own personal needs and wants. The problems that exist around you in our own personal life have everything to do with you, your decisions, your actions, outlook and perception. All of those things should be facilitated by YOU.

Now don’t stress out on this idea of YOU. Don’t place stress on yourself for making such decisions when it comes to relationships, friendships etc. Never ignore your intuitive responses. Never blame yourself for feeling something. There is nothing wrong about these intuitive and gut responses. If anything it is these responses that direct us in the most aligned manner specific to our self. Although reason may never be found right away in situations, emotions etc., they create interweaving links to our actions and daily responses that we can choose to recognize and make sense of, or not. Each and every one of us has the power to figure ourselves out. And I do not mean in the entire sense- because anyone who has themselves “figured out” is lying. I mean in the NOW sense. Can we come to terms with what is present in our lives now, by reflecting on what has been and what we aim toward.

People will sway in and out of life constantly and we cannot beat ourselves up for that. Some friendships will stretch, some will break, and some will remain strong. I guess the point I am trying to get at here is that you should do what YOU want. Do what makes you happy and essentially ‘feel right’. Those that will be important in your life will fall into place and remain there. Don’t stretch yourself thin catering to others who do not appreciate you equally in friendships or partnerships. Follow your own intuitions and never sacrifice those impulses for an illusion or false allure of others. We are all human. And sometimes I think people tend to forget that. (Just make sure that person isn’t you).

Realize your needs, wants, goals, desires and come to terms with yourself in a way in which you are confident to then integrate your life with those around you.

Nicole Muller

It’s been said that charm is more than beauty.  It’s that ‘je ne sais quoi’, that certain something, that gives you the ‘it’ factor. No matter how gorgeous your exterior might be if the moment you open your mouth you sound ugly your interview or your date will be over before it even gets started.

People completely underestimate just how powerful and persuasive they can be by applying simple and elementary charm. From opening the door for someone, to saying please and thank you can win hearts and minds, but it all depends how you do it. If you open the door and people stream in yet you feel or perhaps even say “ what am I? The doorman!” then the whole gesture is lost. The same is true if you say please and thank you without actually caring or in some automated manner. You see the thing about charm is that it is empowering. You don’t nor shouldn’t need to be recognized for your good deeds and on top of that by doing the right thing just because you decide to, puts you on a pedestal internally that helps you yield your charm no matter where you are.

I can’t remember the number of times a seemingly stunning model has come to see me on a casting yet left me with a sour impression due to her ‘holier than thou’ attitude. Well the only way you can even begin to get away without being courteous is if you use a modicum of charm. It so simple, all it takes is for you to care about the person or thing you are dealing with, or at least seem like you care! Charm has also been described as deceptive due to the fact that you can win people over in the most unlikely of times. In the most mundane of situations a little charm can make all the difference in fact it is the difference between being memorable or just another candidate. Being charming is not about being the loudest or the funniest person in the room, sure they may be charismatic but to be truly charming is to make the person you are talking with feel special. By listening and responding directly to what they are saying, not waiting to say what you have prepared or are hanging off your seat not listening but rather waiting to get your sound bite in, hoping you sound intelligent. We all know people who as soon as you see them give you the low down on their life. How successful they have been, all the exciting things they have planned and how they are almost too busy to even deal with all the attention – YAWN! The secret to being charming is not to talk about yourself – fancy that – well it means less work for you, instead by being a good listener and asking poignant questions you can turn the spotlight away from yourself and on to the person you’re talking too. Leaving them feeling special and charmed by their conversation with you. Think of charm as a bonus, you don’t need to talk about yourself and by keeping your cards close to your chest, you will appear more mysterious than you might even deserve.

So you may think that you need elocution lessons to sound more professional and of course it might help, but it has nothing to do with being charming. The ability to stumble and falter yet pick yourself up with grace is the essence of charm. I have to say that charm is in short supply in most walks of life. We see it as unnecessary and additional baggage that we don’t need to bother with. Yet at the end of a date, meal with the in laws or job interview we wonder why we didn’t get a second date, asked back for dinner or get the job. Quite simply the charm factor that you could have so easily played was put on the back burner, so convinced that you were on a winning streak.

When photographing people it’s very important that I relate to them in some manner and best of all if I can get them relaxed enough to let down their guard. In order to do that I have to forget about what ever there could be about the person I don’t care for! I’m not being booked to be the judge but to take their picture. My trick is to try and be as charming as possible. It often means biting my tongue, asking questions that I don’t care to know the answer and befriending models whom I wouldn’t normally have any time for. That may sound deceptive and insincere but it is a part of life. I can’t pretend to think that my interests are more important than someone else’s, nor can I let my personal feelings get in the way of doing the best job possible. I instruct everyone working with me, to make whoever is my subject for the day, to do their utmost to make that person feel at home. From the temperature of the studio, the playlist on the ipod, to what ever can be done to personalize the shoot for them. By breaking down the barriers and making them feel at home I aim to charm them into a comfort zone that will allow me to succeed. I like to get to know my subject so I start by having a conversation prior to the shoot, perhaps while the make up is being applied. I try to discuss the shoot concept and ideas and get their input and suggestions. Whether I use their ideas is irrelevant, the fact is they feel a part of the team not the victim of a firing squad. In order for me to really get a great shot I like to create some sort of camaraderie with the model and through my lens I can zoom in and see every moment of insecurity and strength that each click of the shutter provokes. My favorite retort is to ask, “what are you thinking about right now?’” Which has provided me with all kinds of answers! Everything from nothing, to what I had for breakfast, to you. At the very least it causes a smile that comes from a truly charming moment.

This chapter in the Beauty Equation is called Oral Assault, specifically because we have the ability to say one thing but mean any number of things just by the tone of our voice. And to really take it there you need to start finessing your body language to go along with the way you sound because it is the whole package that ultimately will win the day. You don’t want people to say, “she sounded great but looked awkward” or “ she was certainly pretty to look at but seemed uncomfortable in her own skin”. Setting the right tone is vital as it is easy to get it wrong and send completely the wrong message. If you tell someone they have beautiful eyes, it’s certainly a compliment, but by the tone of your voice it could sound like a come on, sarcastic or as a statement of fact. The tone of what you are saying is important but also think about what you are saying. If you don’t really know the person your talking to or they are your superior or your elder perhaps you need to be a bit more careful with what you are suggesting? A case in point is Caridee English whom has become a friend of mine but back when we were shooting America’s Next Top Model in Barcelona we had a little run in. I was chatting with the girls prior to the shoot and trying to encourage the girls and excite them with our upcoming bull ring shoot and she took an unnecessary risk by cracking a joke at my expense. I wasn’t actually too offended personally at the time as I knew she was just joking around with me but the producers from Top Model were horrified that any contestant would talk to one of their judges in such a manner. She asked me whether the stick I was holding was in fact the stick that had been stuck in my butt from the previous judging! I guess she thought I had come down on her too hard at the previous judging and thought trying to be cute and funny would break the ice…… Well it almost cost her the title of ANTM as we were concerned that a loose canon could damage the competitions integrity but she soon saw the error of her ways and apologized. Again saying sorry is one thing, sounding like you mean it is another! Had her tone sounded more aggressive than joking when she asked me the question – she would have been voted off that week. Her tone saved her even when her words condemned her. You can see several exclusive shots of Caridee in the Beauty Equation and she recently posed for my RAW project.

It’s important to believe in what your saying. Commitment and faith in what you are doing can easily be disbelieved if when you describe what your doing you sound unsure of yourself. That’s why you’re safe when you’re honest. Avoid being negative but also don’t become a bullshit merchant just to please. There is good to be found in almost anything – seek it out and verbalize it!

Read his Words

Feel his Wisdom

Live his Dream

These familiar quotes are as relevant today as they were when Martin Luther King first said them.

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

“Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated.”

“A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction … The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.”

“From every mountainside, let freedom ring. When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

“I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made straight and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”

“I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit together at the table of brotherhood.”

Take a moment to listen to one of greatest speeches of all time.