Take the time to nourish your body, cater to your needs before you extend to the whims of others. I find myself becoming wrapped up in what it is I believe others what. Pleasing others and making people who surround me happy is something I enjoy. I like to be a positive influence on others but I have grown to learn that without catering to my personal needs wants and desires initially, I cannot act wholeheartedly for the benefit of others.
In high school I was always willing to lend a helping hand, give advice when solicited and even go out of my way to benefit another. Although those are all things I try to maintain I have learned the importance of intuition in relationships. It is easy to fall for the tricks of others that initially may be acts of favor, friendship etc. but turn to repetition, one-way benefit, and overextension of oneself. I think it is important to be honest with yourself in analyzing your relationships with others around you, whether it is co-workers, class-mates, friends or family. A person should find pleasure in helping others. But if it comes to a point where you feel you are the only one taking initiatives and making those strides you need to reanalyze the situation and consider yourself in relationships more carefully.
I am the number one-advocate for helping others, charitable work, and volunteer practices. I believe working with others teaches us a lot about who we are and what sort of person we want to be. Should we have lines or boundaries when it comes to our relationships with people and how are those established?
I am not asking for a friendship contract or so official letter of declaration. I am looking for mutuality and what that means in friendship. How far is it okay to extend to the whims of others? Are we partially losing our selves by catering to others, or gaining a bit more of ourselves in the process?
I often wonder these things whenever I confront an issue with a close friend, or when I am experiencing displaced frustration. People have great effect on each other, more than the conscious mind and body is aware of. How we interact with others is crucial in how we see ourselves. Our reactions to others paritially define who we are as a person. Whenever I have found myself saying something negative about another I pull myself back and really think about why. Why am I downgrading to this level? I think more and more people need to realize that negative banter about another is really a reflection of our own insecurities. Yes, don’t get me wrong sometimes you just need to let it out, to scream, to vent at the down-right wrong things people do or say. And hey, I am all for some good venting sessions. However, I feel it is necessary that people recede from anger to analyze the reason for such reactions. We have the power to control our response and reactions as long as we maintain a certain frame of mind that keeps us grounded and positively-elevated.
The saying, “think before you speak”, holds true to the points I am raising. Perhaps it is more realistic to accompany with the phrase “and then think after you speak” and “then think some more”. Exploring reason for the actions we take or have previously taken is an important initiative to take to discover our own personal needs and wants. The problems that exist around you in our own personal life have everything to do with you, your decisions, your actions, outlook and perception. All of those things should be facilitated by YOU.
Now don’t stress out on this idea of YOU. Don’t place stress on yourself for making such decisions when it comes to relationships, friendships etc. Never ignore your intuitive responses. Never blame yourself for feeling something. There is nothing wrong about these intuitive and gut responses. If anything it is these responses that direct us in the most aligned manner specific to our self. Although reason may never be found right away in situations, emotions etc., they create interweaving links to our actions and daily responses that we can choose to recognize and make sense of, or not. Each and every one of us has the power to figure ourselves out. And I do not mean in the entire sense- because anyone who has themselves “figured out” is lying. I mean in the NOW sense. Can we come to terms with what is present in our lives now, by reflecting on what has been and what we aim toward.
People will sway in and out of life constantly and we cannot beat ourselves up for that. Some friendships will stretch, some will break, and some will remain strong. I guess the point I am trying to get at here is that you should do what YOU want. Do what makes you happy and essentially ‘feel right’. Those that will be important in your life will fall into place and remain there. Don’t stretch yourself thin catering to others who do not appreciate you equally in friendships or partnerships. Follow your own intuitions and never sacrifice those impulses for an illusion or false allure of others. We are all human. And sometimes I think people tend to forget that. (Just make sure that person isn’t you).
Realize your needs, wants, goals, desires and come to terms with yourself in a way in which you are confident to then integrate your life with those around you.