Getting The Balance Right!

“A little more balanced view of life.” That is my New Year’s resolution. It is really something I must strive for, succeed at. Why so in my particular case? I mean to say, having a balanced view of life will always be something that comes highly recommended anyway. I suppose the story of my ‘unbalancing’ starts at the end of 2010.

It was an uncommonly harsh winter in the normally mild S.W. of England, and it started early with deep snow and very low temperatures. Frozen solid water troughs and water pipes meant hauling water from home to the paddocks and stables. Some days all that was needed was to break the ice on the troughs, which led me to having quite a deep gash on my hand. I didn’t feel it because of the cold, it was probably the reason I didn’t initially notice it either as there was little blood, but the infection got in. I became poorly, but, the horses have to be seen to, so due to my stubbornness and more than a touch of pride I soldiered on, with the inevitable outcome. The first week in December saw me in the ICU of Dorchester Hospital with pneumonia fighting for my life. I have to admit that it didn’t feel as though I was ‘fighting’, I actually felt quite content and worry free! (I later found out that this euphoria was due to the lack of oxygen and a very, very low blood pressure.) However, dying peacefully in an NHS Hospital is impossible. Just as I was slipping into a more comfortable and seemingly more welcoming place a nurse would jolt me back to planet earth by inserting a tube, (the positioning of one in particular still makes me cringe, and you really don’t want to know about it! I was however assured that it was a medical if not dignified necessity.) Then there was the constant taking of blood samples and as fast as they drew out the blood they infused the anti-biotics in. I do not, in truth, remember a great deal, but I do remember when, in my mother’s words, ‘I went and let myself down’ by a rather unwarranted display of irritability and bad temper. The person to rub me up the wrong way was a really sweet Filipino nurse. I had got to the stage where my daughter was informed to stay close to the ward as they didn’t expect me to last the night. The little nurse on finding me more aware than not asked me if I wanted a priest. I have always strongly believed in religious tolerance, but for some reason, I being C of E, found the offer of the administrations of a Catholic clergy annoying. “And what the f**k would I want a priest for?” was my somewhat ungrateful retort. Poor little nursey didn’t speak a great deal of English and certainly had no Anglo-Saxon in her limited vocabulary. So off she rushed to find yet another nurse to interpretate what she believed were my last requests. Rather oddly along with my rising temper came a rising of my blood pressure and so my demise was postponed, indeffinitely. Anyway, they eventually decided they’d had enough of me and threw me out just before the New Year, (I jest, I could not have been cared for better in my recovery in actual fact.) I will have to live with the permanant damage caused by my illness, but at least I do get to live!! But, getting back on my feet (literally) was a long time coming.

So, there I was stuck indoors at the beginning of 2011 until the last of the snow and ice had gone and my lungs had undergone some basic obedience training. I loathe being bored so I turned to my laptop. There I discovered to my horror that nothing much had changed in animal welfare or conservation since my strong campaigning days of the 1970′s. In fact if anything things had gotten worse. I have a voice so I used it, via my keyboard, (my actual speaking voice is well and truly damaged due to some sort of instrument being forced down the back of my throat in the ambulance, though I can do remarkable frog impressions now!!) In some cases I didn’t hold back in what I had to say, and although I never used profanity, I gave full vent to my opinions. I soon became one of the most deleted users of the internet! However, some of what I said did get through and I am pleased to say some of my ideas have been implemented. But it was the videos I was e-mailed that really tore me apart, and I was spending more and more time campaigning for some really dark issues, human as well as animal.

So, 2011 found me metaphorically screaming and shouting out about the inhumanity of the world. I did find an oasis of calm in the Beauty Equation site. It was here I also found some remarkable and enduring friendships. BE is truly a magnet for everything that is good, that is worth having and knowing about. But I was spending too much time observing the ugly of life, I was becoming unbalanced. It was my cousin-in-law Marie who reminded me that everyone, bar none, had to stop and ‘smell the roses’ from time to time. There is so much beauty and goodness in this world that if you spend too much time battling the ugly you are simply going to miss out on it. That doesn’t mean you have to stop caring, no-one should ever do that. It just means that the soul, your inner you, has to have some R &R for fear it will become jaded. So I will continue to care, I will continue to petition, but, I will do so in a balanced way and take a lot more time to promote the good and the beautiful too.

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