People tend to get compliments (and love to get them) everyday.  I know i love it when someone says, Oh you look GREAT or love your outfit today girl!  But why is it, when we get just one negative thing said to us, it sticks with us forever?

I remember growing up I was sort of a tom boy.  I had my hair in a pony tail, I wore the BAGGIEST t-shirts around, baggy boy shorts…I just wanted to hide that I was a girl!  When I hit high school, my two best friends pinned me down – put cute clothes on me, did my hair put makeup on me and made me go to school, my new look was a huge hit! I was getting compliments, guys were noticing me, i loved it!  So i bid farewell to my old style and transformed into the girl I am today.  But, I was still insecure.  So when I got asked to Junior Prom by a junior I was friends with and I was so excited!  Then I overheard someone say to him, “Why are you taking Alissa, she is not even that pretty!”  I was devastated and that comment has stuck with me for the past 11 years! Recently, the boy who said that comment, added me on Facebook…I replied to him and recounted my horrible memory of that day, he had no idea what I was talking about, he said he had no recollection of ever saying that and he was so sorry I thought that all these years!

You are your own worst critic and people don’t judge you as much as you think.  It is so hard to let other peoples opinions and comments roll off your shoulder, but I realized, after 11 years of remembering that this ONE person said I “was not that pretty”, that it really doesn’t matter!  Confidence is something that doesn’t come easy, for me at least, but I know that I have to keep working on it if I want to be successful and achieve the goals I set for myself.  Harboring bad feelings and memories from over a DECADE ago is so silly!  I am glad to finally let it go and to put it behind me!
(The picture with this article is from that prom, back in 1999 EEK!)

You know what is hard? Finding a GOOD article on Beauty, that doesn’t tell us how to lose weight, fight early signs of aging, or how to pick up guys. While reading about the latest anti-aging wrinkle fighting creams is very tempting for my newly “late -twenties” self, that is not what I wanted to talk about – because beauty is more than just our outward appearance, right? While searching and searching for something that I thought would be beneficial to discuss, I remembered a course I took in college (many many years ago…) about gender and I remembered a book we had to read, called “The Beauty Myth” By Naomi Wolf. I highly suggest reading this exceptionally informative book.

This book explains in detail and with amazing examples, how images of Beauty are used against women. I would write a brief review, but this states it to a T…

“In a country where the average woman is 5-foot-4 and weighs 140 pounds, movies, advertisements, and MTV saturate our lives with unrealistic images of beauty. The tall, nearly emaciated mannequins that push the latest miracle cosmetic make even the most confident woman question her appearance. Feminist Naomi Wolf argues that women’s insecurities are heightened by these images, then exploited by the diet, cosmetic, and plastic surgery industries. Every day new products are introduced to “correct” inherently female “flaws,” drawing women into an obsessive and hopeless cycle built around the attempt to reach an impossible standard of beauty. Wolf rejects the standard and embraces the naturally distinct beauty of all women”

Now, while I am in no way a feminist, as Naomi is, I feel that her book does bring up some troubling issues that women deal with – similar to in “The Beauty Equation”, it gives women the confidence that you do not HAVE to be 5 million feet tall and 80 pounds to be beautiful! The author shows that beauty is a sort of a weapon used to make women feel inadequate and feel as though they can not live up to the ideal that has been created. However, she also agrees that beauty plays a huge role in Women’s lives BUT she defines the problem as when beauty is defined as thinness, youthfulness etc taken to extremes that are unattainable.

This book goes into detail about how her “Beauty Myth” affects different aspects of life, which reminded me of this video that was circulating around facebook a few months ago, It is called “How to trick people in to thinking you are good looking” WHAT! Doesn’t that sound crazy??! Anyway, this video is of a girl getting ready for work- This video, while it is actually this girl getting ready to go work as a dancer, is also a satire on what society thinks is attractive…to me, I think shes totally cute, because she has HUMOR and spontinaity (OHHH Beauty equation chapters! Look at that!) Anyway, she starts the video with no makeup and and mocks herself for bleaching her hair, tanning, putting on excessive amounts of makeup etc, but she says she has to do all of this so people will be tricked in to thinking she is good looking. I think this is a great example of what “The Beauty Myth” was saying. Women try so hard to achieve these standards that they feel are set for them, I am a victim of this too – the “no makeup challenge” in the Beauty Equation was SO hard for me! As I was sitting there taking my pictures fresh faced, I was like – am I SERIOUSLY going to post this for the entire world. Then I remembered the day of the photo shoot for “The Beauty Equation” – we were told to come in with nothing on our faces…i get there, I feel so ugly, and within minutes, Nigel Barker is sitting next to me talking to me, and all that is running through my mind is “OH MY GOSH I have no makeup on, I am going to be sent home from this shoot because I look like a hideous beast!” Now, of course that didn’t happen and I’m sure I wasn’t as bad as I thought, but it is so funny how uncomfortable we get without our “faces on”.

I encourage everyone to do the no makeup challenges – post your photos – and spend a day makeup free! It is liberating! I find myself more and more comfortable going out without makeup and not worrying about my looks!

Humor is one of my favorite aspects of Beauty, which is why it is very fitting that the chapter heading of HUMOR is a big old picture of me laughing!  During the past few months, I have learned the importance of not taking myself too seriously.  When I began the challenges for The Beauty Equation, I deleted just about EVERY photo because I felt like they all looked awful.  I was so embarrassed and did not want to show anyone the images.  It wasn’t until I learned to laugh at myself, laugh at bad or unflattering pictures and not take everything so seriously, that I actually began to like my photos and appreciate the humor in them, rather than be embarrassed by them.

Humor also helps me in my everyday life since I am an actress and a model. Unfortunately, I am super short, which means my modeling opportunities are very limited.  When I am sent out on castings, and I am surrounded by gorgeous models who are 6-feet tall, I automatically think, Why am I here? I’ll NEVER book this!  I have learned that I must use my personality and sense of humor to make me stand out, and I have found it makes a huge difference.  Some of the jobs I book, I KNOW I was not the best looking or most talented one there – so something else must have got me that job, right?  Having a good sense of humor, being funny and outgoing can sometimes do the trick!!

I love the chapter on humor in The Beauty Equation because a lot of the aspects really resonate with me, especially the part where Nigel talks about Miss J Alexander and his “poking fun” at the ANTM girls for walking in heels awkwardly…LOVE IT!  I know there are many things I am not perfect at, or probably look ridiculous doing, so if someone tells me I suck, I may as well just laugh at it! (Why would I get mad if I know I am not doing something well?) It makes me feel SO much better about the situation, and instead of getting upset, hurt and defensive, I actually start to work on what I am not perfect at and try to make myself better!

Nigel points out the fine line between a good sense of humor and overkill; I have found that it is easy to try to be funny when you are nervous or trying to stand out, but that is NOT the way to do it! It is important not to look desperate or try too hard.  I have taken many classes with various casting directors in both the modeling and acting fields, and one thing that all of them dislike is “desperate actors,” i.e. people who try too hard.  I think that the main point to take away from this chapter is simply be yourself, be natural and don’t take things too seriously.  A good sense of humor stems from being able to laugh at yourself.

I had such a great time participating in the challenges in this chapter and learning from them.  It was so much fun to be crazy and make funny faces, do funny things and be able to have fun and not worry what people might think of the outcome!  It was a great experience carrying a camera around all day and trying to capture different people laughing, whether photographing friends, co-workers or complete strangers.  I especially loved the final challenge in the chapter, where Nigel encourages the reader to go back to their very first photo. Mine was awful!  I would have included it in this article but I deleted it after I took it.  Now, I wish I had kept it – just to laugh at.  I encourage all of those reading this to take these challenges seriously (but not TOO seriously!).  Complete all of them, watch the movies listed in this chapter and download the suggested songs. Play them, watch them, and LAUGH!  You will immediately see the effects a good sense of humor has on outward beauty. And remember, a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks!