Abstinence Really is Kool!!!
Hey Fashionistas!
A while back I told you that I had the opportunity to meet Philly’s Hot 107.9, radio personality Kendra G. at her book signing for her first title, “Abstinence is Kool”. Well, I had the opportunity to complete the book and there is a lot to be said about her mission to help young women understand that they should accept the challenge of being abstinent for the entire school year, and I totally support it!
There are a lot of people that I spoke with about the book that asked the question (especially adults), “Why does she ask girls to be abstinent for the school year and not until they are married?” Well, according to the book the answer is as simple as this: In reality, young women are having sex at as young as 13. And at a young age there is a lot of pressure going on when it comes to education, family relationships, and expectations of what a young woman’s future will be once she is out of school. So Kendra wanted to keep it simple and ask them to refrain from sexual activity for the nine months that they are in school and focus on their education. If the goal is accomplished, not only will they feel good and possibly come out with great grades, they will also set for themselves more short-term goals and long-term goals which will lead to making the right choices when it comes to their sexuality. I actually think that it is a very good idea!
Abstinence is Kool is a very good read that does not feel so “text book-like”, and more like a conversation between a girl and a very wise friend. Kedra G. gives it to you straight without all of the fluff about her experience as a young woman and why she has decided that she should write the book, and how her mission started in Philly.
Abstinence is Kool started when Kendra couldn’t help hearing a voice literally telling her that she was not going to have sex again until she was married. Sounds strange, right? Well, as strange as it may sound, she has put that plan in action and it has soared from a local movement to a national one.
Kendra G. lets us know that she was a virgin until she was in college, and that she dated the same guy that she went to high school with and he was the one that she gave herself to. After all of his lies, deceit, and pressure she gave of herself only to have regrets that she never told her mother until she wrote the book. But it was not then that she decided not to have sex until she was married. But she did let that guy go!!!
Kendra also shares with you the story of her sister who was a teenage mother. As a teen Kendra’s sister had a child that she had to raise with her mother and father… well, she actually didn’t do the raising, her parents did. It was a lot of pressure to finish school and raise her children. She also was not able to leave her state when she wanted to go to college, while Kendra was able.
Young women are truly under a lot of pressure in society, and they are also battling self-esteem issues that come from their peers, especially boys. In the book, Abstinence is Kool, Kendra tells us that it was not always easy for her to resist giving in to her very long-term boyfriends, but she did and because of that she was able to complete her education, travel and have the experience of a lifetime as a very successful radio personality who has made Philly the home of her Abstinence is Kool campaign.
There are a lot of considerations that need to be taken when making that choice to have sex. There is the concern of sexually transmitted diseases, raising a child alone, and the emotional distress of possible abandonment from the guy that you really liked. In the chapter that I thought was very important, “Baby, Baby, Baby”, Kendra lets girl know that having a child at a very young age is NOT cute and that the consequence of your actions could affect you and that child forever. Kendra draws you into acknowledging that the responsibility is not always yours, but that of your parents as well and they may not be very happy about it. When you have sex at a young age there is always the strong possibility that the father is not fully involved therefore making you a single parent and that is never easy!!!
Abstinence is Kool is definitely a book that teen girls should read because the book is based on facts that we all can understand and have experienced either on our own or through the experience of someone that we know closely. It is a book that speaks to the youth in a candid and inspiring way that will make a difference to girls everywhere. If you don’t believe me, then check out the movement!!!!
To learn more on how you can get the book or join the movement that is changing the lives of girls all over the country, then visit: www.abstinenceiskool.com
Also check out the video that featured Kendra G. and all the things that the girls at Abstinence is Kool have going on!!!
7 Comments
I would love to know what you ladies think!
Tweety Hi,
I must admit my first reaction was to throw my hands up in horror at the thought of girls as young as 13 having sex! But, we all know the reality of todays world, and sadly it is a fact. What I particularly like about your post is that the author of the book is getting away from the ‘lecturing’ side of education. I could, and I think somewhere I have, written a whole page on the dire consequences of having full sexual experiences at such a young age, and for many youngsters it would make not one whit of difference in their decision on whether to have sex or not. Empowering a girl by educating her on her own worth will always work toward her benefit in both the short and long term. Excellent and much needed post Tweety and I hope this book becomes a ‘must read’ for girls everywhere.
Hi Tweety, this was really interesting. I agree with Chrissy that I hope young girls seriously consider this perspective when making their choices, and it’s great Kendra is bringing this message to the mainstream. If my own daughter were to make this her choice, of course I’d be thrilled! I understand the ramifications that being sexually active, particularly at a young age, can have on a girl’s life path and I’m painfully aware, as Kendra also points out, how hard it is being a girl and all the factors that interfere with making the right choices in life.
Having said that, I’m also aware of the flip-side of abstinence – that it also doesn’t always lead to good choices. In fact, I’ve seen the pressure to abstain lead to many unfortunate and unhappy outcomes because young people can too easily confuse undiscovered feelings. I’ve witnessed this scenario among many of my peers and I’ve often wondered how their lives might have turned out if someone had asked them, “Are you really ready?” for not only sex, but the commitment of marriage and family. There’s still so much emphasis on marriage as the all-important goal, and I think that this itself can cloud one’s judgment in making critical life choices.
Also, I wonder what Kendra’s take on abstinence mean for people who don’t get married? For example, I’m 28 and in a long-term (5 years and counting), monogamous relationship with no immediate wish to get married. This may change in the future, but for now I’m happy with the way things are and for all I know my partner and I might stay this way. Is there a caveat for civil partnerships like mine and others like me?
I genuinely found this post interesting so thank you for sharing it – I’m sure there are many young girls who have read this and would like to know more. It would be great if your post positively influenced their choices. xoxo
………but surely Meera abstinence in older females (18 years onwards) is vastly different from the abstininence being called upon here. Sex with the right partner is a healthy and highly enjoyable part of adult life! The emphasis being on adult, for whatever reason an older girl chooses to abstain it is usually at this age a more mature and informed choice. For the very young girls (and I will leave out the legal ramifications of this) they are neither physically or emotionally ready for a full-on sexual relationship. The reason why so many girls do enter into early sexual experiences is probably due to peer pressure (“if you want to be our friend you have to prove you are not a kid anymore”) or pressure from the boy (“if you don’t let me then I will not be your boyfriend”) and the fact that the youngster caves in proves her immaturity at handling these situations. So, advice and guidance such as offered in this book help the very young girls come to the understanding that they can say no, it gives them the courage to say “yes, boys are cute but my education and more importantly my self worth are cuter” Later on when these young girls have reached an age where they can, and the decision is theirs and theirs alone, enter into a full and loving relationship they may well decide that abstinence until marriage is for them. But this is a highly personal choice and really has nothing to do with the rest of the world, and as young adults they are now more aware that should they choose abstinence then the partner in their life will out of love and respect be patient. On the other hand if marriage is not for them, then again it is nobodies business but theirs. As I said, personal and adult choices.
Hi Chrissy:
Thank you so much for reading my post. I agree, it is horrifying to think that girls as young as 13 are having sex but the truth is that it is happening everyday.
I really did enjoy the book because of the way that she speaks to us, the reader. I have ready many factual books about teens and the experiences that we have but none quite like this and I truly recommend it!
Although you may think that you didn’t make one whit of difference to someone with your writing today, I am sure that someone will understand it tomorrow. I would actually like to read your writings so give me a link or something. I think that with the amount of education that is out there, girls will have to wake up (and a lot actually have) it’s just that the media plays a role in lulling them back to sleep with their constant sexual movies, videos, commercials and the list goes on and on!
Again, I thank you for reading and hope that you read more of my posts!
Tweety
Well that’s precisely what I was trying to ascertain – whether this message is age-specific, or whether it pertains to maintaining this lifestyle choice until marriage. The book apparently seems directed at young girls, but I asked because Kendra refers to remaining abstinent as a college student and her choice to remain so until she was married. The couples my argument pertained to were all over 18 – it goes without saying that I think Kendra’s book is sound advice for any young girl, and in all honesty I wish I’d had better guidance at that age.
Hi Meera:
Thank you so much for reading as well.
I found it interesting that there is a flip-side to abstaining from sex. I am curious as to what happens and what kind of unfortunate and unhappy outcomes happen from not having sex. What undiscovered feelings? That is definitely something to look into and address.
I am not sure what Kendra actually feels about a long term relationship that does not include marriage but I would say that is different than common law marriage and many people don’t frown on that.
Again, thank you so much for reading and I hope that you continue to read my post. Your feedback is valuable!
Tweety